It has come into the news lately that Calgary is at an all-time high for STDs lately - since I work in a lab that does all bacterial STD testing for all of Southern Alberta, I feel I really need to finally lecture the really irresponsible Calgary crowd.
For a city that is bored with/has minimal interest in an actual physical sex, the sex people ARE having is so disgustingly off-putting due to poor education, an unrealistic understanding of the real risks, and really irresponsible condom use & STD testing habits.
So, Calgary, it's a good thing men here ruined sex for me to the point where I won't ever touch another Alberta man again, 'Cuz you've earned a lecture!:
1. Rule #1: ALWAYS get STD tested (and fully vaccinated - the HPV vaccine takes 6 months if you haven't had it yet) BEFORE a physical friendship (both people, YES before oral sex) - it doesn't matter what crap the person claims about being "sure" they are "OK" - it is respectful to your partner's body, your body, and whoever you love and marry in the future. One passionate experience can destroy your life...
2. NO, this does NOT MEAN you're good to have unprotected sex with your girlfriend, even if "I only go without condoms with my girl/boyfriend" - that still means you have a habit of having unprotected sex, even if it's only one person at a time. The before-hand testing is a gesture of respect, not a license to be irresponsible. (Besides, as sad as it is, often a partner is not totally honest...)
3. It's NOT JUST GUYS at fault for not using condoms - here is an unspoken truth: Condoms actually REALLY SUCK FOR WOMEN too!
(Even with lubricant, condoms pull, and some guys are not considerate enough to use lubricant either.
Rule #2: There's no such thing as "Too much lube")
A woman who asks you to remove a condom is actually doing it for selfish reasons, no matter what kind of favor she is acting like she is doing for you. As soon as you take that condom off, gentlemen, you give up all of your part of control - it is COMMON for young women to lie about birth control. It is also common for women to think that and IUD or birth control pills (etc) mean unprotected sex with a string of boyfriends is OK - IUDs actually rub and cause micro-abrasions that make it EASIER to transmit STDs if there is fluid exchange. (The number of infected IUDs I have seen working at the lab made me choose never to use one - I am fixed like the family pet)
I have heard how it is WOMEN around here mainly suggesting the removal of the condoms!!!! What the hell are you doing, Ladies???!!!!!I thought you were smarter than that! I'll tell you what the problem is - lubrication!!!! No matter how wet she is naturally, the condoms PULL - be a fuckin' gentleman and just put on the condom and lube WITHOUT making her ask for it. It kills the fuckin' mood if it becomes a discussion.
4. People here prefer their friendships to be an app on their phone - don't just order a fuck off of Craigslist you filthy fuckers!!!!! Simulate sex over the internet if that's how you operate - I'd rather play with a friend's beautiful cock on my laptop than give myself to people who are not selective about their partners.
5. Unsafe sexual history & habits should be a deal-breaker. Even the HPV vaccine only covers 4 strains - there are 100+ not covered, and herpes spreads WAY easier than people realize. If some under-educated dumbass takes safe sex casually, and tells you you worry too much DUMP THAT PERSON.
Develop a latex fetish.
Learn to love gloves! (Work with your hands - its good for spontaneous stuff.)
Trade videos & photos with a really special friend and develop your "Technosexual" side - people are heading that way, even if they aren't willing to admit it yet.
Even "Fuck Buddies" should have a safe-sex agreement and be honest.
(It's never "just fun" - respect ALL your partners)
Unprotected sex is for marriage only.
I lead by example - every time I get tested, it is done by someone I KNOW PERSONALLY, and I still face these people, even when I KNOW I am clean in order to do the right thing. (I got tested and vaccinated before my current abstinence - I hadn't even been with anyone new, and I still did it.)
This has been your lecture, Calgary.
Smarten up - for an undersexed crowd your STD spread rate is embarrassing.
