I love productive people!
I love people who are creative and versatile in their creativity - who don't limit themselves to just one or two forms of expression.
I love people I can share ideas with, and we can hang out and create together, even if we each work on our own thing. The best friendships are the ones that inspire! I love people who are always working on something, but not so focused that they've really limited themselves.
I only keep friends who make an effort to be understanding - no one ever really understands another person, but the continuous effort from our friends is what matters most. I am a really understanding person until people are not understanding for me - then I shut that right down, and I deliberately give them a taste of their own crap.
I prefer the company of outcasts, or people who stand out as really different. I need people who I can share the rejection of the world with, and who hate most people as much as I do. I love people who have so much strength of unique character that they are their own being. ...I love lonely people... I love independent thinkers with open minds.
I love people who have a realistic view of their own shortcomings (because we ALL have them) and are honest about themselves, and make the ongoing effort through life to be a better person. As humans, we are all shit - I have huge respect for people who work on their own human natures. I have no room for arrogance in my friendships, no matter who that person happens to be. No one is perfect - and I honestly hate "perfect people" - I find they are very judgmental.
I prefer friendships with people who struggle with their self-esteem and mental health issues (In an honest-with-themselves way) who make the ongoing effort to work on those things - it's a huge part of who I am, and people who don't struggle in life can't possibly be understanding enough for me. I like people I can share experiences with, so we can learn together, or feel better together, or just check in with for a hug. (Though I don't have time or tolerance for people who don't do everything they can to help themselves - I don't respect people who wallow in misery and expect others to fix everything.)
I prefer people who understand that "finding yourself" is a lifelong journey - as soon as you have "found yourself" you create limitations, weather you mean to or not. I love people who are into as many things different from me as similar - you have to have things in common, but I love someone who can show me something new, or show me an old idea in a new way. I really love to hear about why people choose the interests / path they choose, as I have always felt so overwhelmed with possibilities that I become lost. I love people who help me think! Or think differently!
I love quiet people who still have a fun side. People around me need to have the ability to be fun and silly! I've had a really sad, serious, stressful life - I'm ridiculous and silly because it's the only way I can overcome that stuff. I joke about serious matters because if I don't, I'll hang myself.
I need friends who understand they can't make assumptions about me based on what they learn from other people - they need to understand that I'm not like the people around us because I've made the on-going effort not to be my whole life. ...they also need to understand that I have severe psychological problems that stem from the experiences I've had with people - my friends have to be OK with me crying, or ranting angrily (I rant into the air - I don't point it at my friends unless that friendship is over.) ...I am permanently damaged by life and I do my best.
I don't trust people who are friends with everyone - either their friendship is extremely cheap, or they are not being real enough to have passionate differences.
I don't keep friends who are not OK with my openness about sexuality, or my nude photos. I have been shamed about my sexuality ENOUGH. I work sex into everything I do because it's who I am, and I am DONE being told by men that my sexual needs are not important. I post porn for therapeutic reasons, and I actually have found that I really love doing it!
I also don't keep friends who don't speak to me when something is clearly really important to communicate to me. (Like "need to know" information - things that are OBVIOUS a friend should speak up about...I know people have their own problems, but somethings are really obvious that you should tell someone.)
The best friends are the ones who help each other move forward.
The only in-person friends I keep are my "Mental Health" friends. I only keep friendships of compassion. (And I only keep friends who wouldn't be offended if I sent them porn. The rest either need to take the stick out of their butts, or shove it in further!)
People need to understand that I REALLY LIMIT my contact with other people - if I am in your life and being friendly, you have to take me while I'm there - I am a magical person when I am happy. When people bring me happiness, I love to share my good energy.
My presence in someone's life is "special", whether they realize it (or agree with it) or not.
****I also really need people who can help me get out of this steaming shit pile known as Calgary - I need people I can travel with or visit!
There's a lot of points there I can fully relate to , as well as some partially relate to, but all in all I believe I can understand what you're saying ( maybe not as it is in your mind, but as it reads in mine, which I am sure I am pretty damn close to the way it is meant to be). <--- This last part I was thinking of rewriting but I kind of like how it reads :P . We all need to find our " Happy or Zen or whatever one wants to call it " and with new surroundings and people that we personally find as "our kind of people " does make a difference. You do bring up a great point too, what you look for in friendships .... makes me think how many people actually do know or have thought about what they do really look for in their own.
ReplyDeleteOh... and for me personally, I discontinue talking , responding, reacting and associating with the ones that don't fit in my life. I have been doing more and more adjusting my life to have only people that make me think, make me laugh and so on. And a good educated arguement and good conversations are a huge plus and bonus. As the old adage goes, "the mind is a terrible thing to waste" ... well I like my brain and the people that stimulate it in every way. Also ... to the people that get put aside, "The mind is a terrible thing to taste" which I know why it was named it.... but I take it as people that can't handle the strong minds ( which I prefer ).
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing - I KNOW I'm in the wrong place. I KNOW it is where I live that is the problem. I am stuck here because of my job. I've wracked my brain for a better option for over 20 years, and leaving what I have would be very stupid on my part. Which is why I must travel!
DeleteThe other problem too, is the people you see most (co-workers & family) think they know you well, but that is very false - they only know you in one context, and have much difficulty seeing you as anything other than the well-worn context they have always seen. (Example - No matter where you end up in life and what kind of person you become, people fall into old patterns of perception and behavior as soon as they're back with family. I am very NON-family oriented. I appreciate my family, but I am not into that dynamic of life at all.
Thanks again for sharing!
I agree there, once people get comfortable and are in the same day to day mundane paradigm, I find a lot of the get far too complacent and stop the potential growth of a relationship with others ( relationships in each sense of the word whether it be friends, partners, lovers, family, the list goes on). The terrible thing with it that I have seen and noticed is that people don't seem to realize and know the difference that it is creating and has caused in their lives. Life isn't as hard as people think, and realistically all that seems to be lacking is the time .... time put in, time ignored, time wasted, time that all they needed to do was actually pay attention ... and trust me , it makes a huge difference.
ReplyDelete