Carcass Files: November 2019

Saturday, November 23, 2019

Angry Rant #7: I am sexually NON-FUNCTIONAL because of How I've Been Treated

I don't think the people I explain myself to really grasp the seriousness of the problems I have now because of men...

Every time I've ever been really turned on, the person I have been hot for has dumped a bucket of cold water on my head (figuratively) right when I have been hottest. It is SO HARD for me to want a man sexually because of how I have been treated my whole life, and when I can finally manage it (even with the guy's permission and encouragement) I STILL get that bucket of water on my head when I'm hot!!!!!!!

Don't fucking talk to me unless you mean what you say.

DO NOT attempt to help me with my sexual problems unless you are actually willing to go through with things you say. MY BODY DOESN'T WORK AT ALL ANYMORE because of the way men are STILL continuing to treat me!!!!!! I don't get wet, and I DON'T get turned on (I fake it with lube for my porn) - there is nothing I can even think of to masturbate to. Men failed me (and most women I'm sure) VERY BADLY. I used to be a sexual person, but now I am NOT. As I have said, I am abstinent, and staying that way. The only associations I have with sex are BAD.

I HATE SEX - it's for men, not women! Men get to cum every time - there's no such thing as bad sex for MEN - for women, all we get is BAD. Men did this to a really passionate, hot woman!!!! Guys don't want that kind of thing - this is decades of experience talking. I CAN'T enjoy sex anymore, even with my ex Nick because of what men have done to my psychology. I am NOT exaggerating - what keeps happening to me is BRUTAL. And humiliating.

I fucking hate people. The people I was opening up to needed to take my problems WAY more seriously than they were, because all they have done is destroy me further.

***UPDATE:
I found some pills on Amazon that really work for women this way!!!! (I searched "Viagra for women") These take 8 weeks to build up though, but I'm suddenly noticing a change at 2 weeks! Yay for science!!!!!!

A great gift for a lady at this time of year! ;)

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Angry Rant #6: I Prefer the Company Of Feces

I work in Microbiology in a medical lab.
I was semi-retired for about 7 years so I could make friends and have a social life.

I went BACK to working full time because the feces are much better company than the people in this shitty city. At least a log of shit is honest - it's not going to hug you and try to be "friends" and hide it's shittyness like people here. I'd take an honest pile of shit over a phony "nice" person any day.

...I once found handling the shit samples a bit distasteful, but it's the people here that really leave the taste of excrement lingering in the back of my throat - in comparison, the shit is a breath of fresh air.

Fuck this shithole.

Friday, November 8, 2019

Angry Rant #5: Debunking "Pansexuality"

"pan-" as a prefix means "all"

Unless you are having sex with children & dead things of multiple species, as well as objects, you are NOT pansexual.

Any time someone tells me they are "pansexual" I usually enthusiastically ask if they are into dead things, animals and kids - the answer often involves some kind of back-pedaling.

Even I am NOT pansexual, and I fuck a lot of unusual stuff.

People need to get over their need for some special designation to their sexuality - I've labelled myself as "onanistic technosexual" just because my lack of label-ability has always really made people uncomfortable my whole life, so they apply WRONG labels to me just to give themselves some comfort. Guess what - most people have developed into onanistic technosexuals!!!! They have this need to incorporate the internet in their sexual expression, (haha - or toys, it's all technology!) and have less desire to participate in person. I was being a bit sarcastic (and a little bitter) with that idea.

SO, unless you are saying you're a pedophile to some degree, I suggest you NOT tell people you are "pansexual", no matter how many things or people you fuck.

Pitfalls of Staying to Positive: Sometimes You Have to be Realistic

Staying positive sounds like the right/only way to go, right?

I have not found that to be true in actual practice...

Sometimes not knowing when to say, "Fuck you/this, this is shitty and I'm angry!" is DENIAL and non-helpful in getting you closer to where you want to be in life. Being too positive all the time also contributes to habitual cycles of people taking advantage of a nice person, and there is shock all around if that person ever objects to being taken advantage of, because, "What's your problem? Things have always been this way - why are you getting mad now? You're crazy." and some people will try to tell you that you are a shitty friend if you ever stand up and say, "ENOUGH - I'm not happy."

Here are some examples of the Stay Positive Theory working against you:
1. I had a super-shitty 2nd marriage - lots of psychological issues, stress, lack of friends for support - I used to try to work on things in a positive way, and would only write positive things to that REALLY SELFISH person (he was a freeloader and user - not just to me, but to all his "friends") in romantic letters - I literally filled thousands of pages (Something like 6 books or something like that) in an effort to create a better marriage through positivity. The REALITY was such utter garbage - like if I hugged that guy he would not hug me back!!!!! - that after a while I was sick of trying to be positive, especially for a selfish person who expected me to support him and he couldn't even be bothered to lick my fucking pussy once in a while. I told him that the illusion that was created by me writing positive things was such an utter bullshit lie, and that the marriage that was described in that writing was some fictional fantasy, and NONE of that writing was meant for him. I literally took hundreds-thousands of writings and ripped almost every single thing to shreds, and told him none of that was ever meant for him. I left him with one book only - the first one I had given him as a wedding gift and I told him, "I want you too keep this one, so you will always remember what you fucked up."

2. If you are the positive-thinking kind of person that always works hard at making a relationship work, you will always be the person to be dumped in the end - nothing sucks worse than being dumped by someone who's providing a shitty relationship on their end.

3. I watch a lot of true crime shows - there are quite a few cases where women are in abusive relationships for a very long time, and because they put on a good front, maintaining an illusion of a perfect family and all that, if they ever kill that abusive spouse one day in self-preservation, because people only saw the positive front on display... NO ONE knows what goes on in a relationship in private, but people are all so certain they know what's going on from what they see on the outside - many abused women were executed when they stood up to their abuser.

4. If you are too positive, and that's the only part of yourself you show friends, you will find as soon as you show that you have any kind of problems, you suddenly don't have most of those "friends" - you will be blamed for things you can't help. People won't be very forgiving of your human issues.

So - positivity is great, but it can really work against you.
Sometimes you have to say FUCK YOU!!

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Women that Are Attracted to Objects (Objectum Sexuality Documentary) | O...

It's interesting how a lot of the objects these women are sexually attracted to are metal - one woman said something about the energy of her metal bow flowing into her and her energy flowing into it - that is not so ridiculous as it seems, as metals share a "sea of electrons", if someone felt such a strong connection to a metal object they are touching, that flow of energy (especially because the brain and body are very electromagnetic) is an entirely possible thing. Maybe these women are MORE tuned in to their surroundings than the average person. Everyone DOES know what it's like to love something inanimate - almost every very young child develops a loving attachment to stuffed toys (or similar things).

...and objects won't hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad about yourself... I've come to discover that I'd WAY rather fuck my music equipment than an actual musician! (That is their fault though!)